June Oliver has her fair share of designations. But she counts a certificate in family mediation among her most important credentials.

Oliver — a certified general accountant, certified financial planner, financial divorce specialist, certified divorce financial analyst and elder planning counsellor — believes having mediation training is a key component of the services she provides to divorcing clients.

“It taught me how to listen to people and really hear what they are saying,” says Oliver, the owner and principal of the Tax Management Centre in Oakville, Ont. “I think some form of mediation training should be mandatory for all advisors.”

Jackie Ramler, a CFP who specializes in divorce with Divorce Choices Inc. in Barrie, Ont., agrees. “As advisors, we’re used to people coming to us for answers,” she says. “People give us information and we tell them what to do. In a collaborative divorce situation, the clients come up with their own solutions.”

Oliver attended the family mediation program offered by McMaster University in Hamilton. Ramler studied family mediation at Northwestern University in Chicago.

Both Oliver and Ramler feel that mediation training is useful for all aspects of financial planning, not just divorce work.

“Playing that mediator role when discussing divorce or inheritance issues has really helped deepen my relationships,” says Ramler, “not just with my clients but also with their children.”

There are several options for obtaining this kind of training, including continuing education courses offered through universities (the McMaster program has been discontinued, but Toronto’s York University offers similar training), an evening or weekend course (your local collaborative practice association can direct you to upcoming programs) or the completion of the more in-depth family mediator certification program. (Visit Family Mediation Canada’s Web site, www.fmc.ca, for more information.)

Here’s how to put some basic mediation skills to use in your own practice:

> Become An Active Listener. Active listening isn’t only hearing what clients are saying, but also how they’re saying it. “You want to get to the meaning behind the words,” says Donna Wilson, a family mediator in Markham, Ont.

It can be as basic as paying attention to phrasing. “In a separation, for instance, the advisor might say, ‘Let’s talk about the net family property statement’,” she explains. “If the husband says, ‘Yes,’ but the wife says, ‘Well, my friend is helping me with that’,” then the advisor should pick up on the fact that the wife may not be entirely clear on that aspect of the process.”

Tone of voice and body language also come into play. “You need to notice whether the client is answering you with confidence, or in a manner that suggests he or she is unsure of him- or herself,” says Wilson. “If one of the parties in a divorce isn’t [financially savvy], he or she may not want to say that because it can put him or her into a position of weakness.”

Keeping quiet is an important part of this process. “Good communicators know they don’t need to fill every piece of silence with words,” maintains Wilson. “When you ask a question, it may take quite a while for the other party to respond. Take this opportunity actually to look at him or her, and see if he or she is tense or upset.”

However, any perceived anxiety or confusion must be addressed subtly. “Don’t point it out and say, ‘Oh, it looks as though you’re really not following this’,” Wilson cautions. “You need to say, ‘Let me go through this to make sure everyone’s on the same page’.”

> Ask Open-Ended Questions. It’s an advisor’s job to pose direct queries about a client’s income, debt and investments. But asking open-ended questions is just as important, says Wilson, especially in collaboration, when clients determine the terms of the divorce.

“You don’t always have all the answers and you don’t always know what specific questions to ask,” she notes. “Advisors need to learn to ask questions in a way that the client can go wherever he or she wants in the reply.”

One question all advisors should ask divorcing clients is where they see themselves in three years, says Karen Stewart, a registered family mediator and CEO of Fairway Divorce Solutions in Calgary. “Oftentimes in divorce, we are very focused on cutting the pie in half and we don’t focus on the long term,” she says. “Posing insightful questions can help clients move themselves toward resolution.”

@page_break@> Repeat What You’ve Heard.
“By paraphrasing what a client has just told you, you may catch elements that you’ve misinterpreted,” says Wilson.

This gives clients the opportunity to correct you and reassures clients that you’re listening to what they have to say.

> Keep Your Biases In Check. “We all have our biases,” says Wilson. “But you have to be aware of them.”

This is especially important in the collaborative practice, in which the financial advisor acts as a neutral resource for both spouses. Advisors who have experienced marital infidelity may find they’re particularly tough on cheaters, while parents may find it difficult to work with clients who want to waive their custody rights.

Identifying your biases is only half the battle; not allowing them to impede your service is the other. There’s no easy technique for avoiding the latter. “It comes through experience, self-discipline and empathy,” says Stewart.

“Occasionally, it’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut,” adds Ramler. “But I know that speaking out will do no good.” IE



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