We all have days when our confidence seems to be lagging. An argument with our significant other, an unsatisfied client or just a run of bad luck can sap us of self-worth on any given day.
However, when days turn into weeks, those doubts can affect your work. Although there is no simple cure for a slump in confidence, there are steps you can take to increase your awareness of negative thoughts and put the swagger back into your stride.
Alycia Hall, a life coach in Vancouver, says maintaining a strong sense of self-confidence is critical when building a business: “It’s the whole reason for success or failure.”
Self-esteem issues tend to arise, Hall says, when we rely too heavily on what is going on around us to feed our confidence.
“True confidence goes deeper,” she says. “And it’s not so dependent on external influences.”
Confidence is a feeling most of us enjoy much of the time – the clear feeling that if you don’t yet have the task at hand under control, you’ll get there.
“[Confidence],” says Guy Reichard, a life coach in Richmond Hill, Ont., “is a sense of faith and trust in yourself.”
But, as with most things essential to our success, it’s not always as easy as it sounds. University of Amsterdam neuroscientists released a paper in May that underscores the importance of self-worth. Humiliation, according to the paper, might be the most intense human emotion, creating more brain activity than both anger and happiness. The study’s participants’ brains got most excited at thoughts and memories of situations in which their status had been lowered in the eyes of others. This intense emotion not only targets our confidence once, but tends to repeat itself during times of stress. The effect on our professional and personal lives can be dramatic.
There are ways to combat this confidence-sapping emotion:
– Be mindful. Take time out once or twice a day – five minutes in a quiet space – to recognize the self-defeating messages in your mind. The purpose, Hall says, is to train yourself to recognize these negative thoughts for what they are: time-wasters that only sap your potential.
– Do what Nike says. Sometimes the only way to achieve confidence is by forcing yourself to get out of your comfort zone and “just do it” – as Nike’s ad campaign urges.
“Action is the best remedy to build external confidence,” Hall says. “The more time you spend ‘in your head,’ the more you’re going to psych yourself out.”
Choose an attitude with which you view experiences – both bad and good – as opportunities to learn.
– Walk the walk. Low self- esteem often reveals itself physically through posture such as a rounded back or slumped shoulders. Reichard suggests the simple act of walking and stretching to counteract doubts or anxieties: “Our emotions will follow.”
Standing tall is not a cure-all, Reichard says, and not everyone manifests their self-esteem physically. But it’s worth a try.
– Don’t chase extroversion. Our culture celebrates extroverts. As a result, some people make the mistake of assuming that the qualities behind extroversion and confidence are identical. Yet, we know and admire quietly confident people, Reichard says. Forcing yourself to be extroverted when it’s obviously an act, Reichard says, can only sabotage your success.
– Review your progress. Reichard recommends taking stock of how things are going each day – at least, in the beginning of your confidence-building process: what you learned, surprises and, especially, what went well.
“Be on the lookout,” he says, “for what’s a little bit different.”
This vigilance can reveal important triggers and reactions – both emotional and physical – leading to more insight and, eventually, more confidence.
The solution may be simple, but it’s not predictable. Says Reichard: “It’s not a linear, straight process.”
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