When an office romance sours, moving on while remaining professional can be a balancing act.
The challenge lies in the fact that the person you just broke up with is there, at your work, every day, says Esther Francis Joseph, a personal coach in Union City, N.J.
We’re not recommending that anyone treat their workplace as a singles bar. But if you do find yourself in a dating relationship with a colleague, this advice from Joseph should help you handle the break-up as gracefully as possible:
> Go in with a break-up plan
While discussing a break-up scenario might seem like a bad omen for a new relationship, it’s a good idea to consider one from the start. Much like a prenuptial agreement, a break-up plan can take some of the uncertainty out of parting ways when the time comes.
Talking openly while the romance is still in full swing about what would happen if it ends can make the process a lot easier when it actually comes to pass, says Joseph. That way, if you do find yourself single again, you can just follow the plan.
That plan should have ground rules on how you would communicate in the office and how you might handle potentially awkward situations that might arise, such as attending meetings and office social events.
> Take some personal time
If possible, leave the office for a few days after the break-up.
“Take some sick days or a mini-vacation,” Joseph says. “Just separate and get some distance.”
Time on your own allows you solitude to sort out your own emotions before returning to work, she says.
> Just keep walking
While you will want to keep post-break-up contact to a minimum, running in the opposite direction or diving under a desk every time you see your ex coming is not going to work.
That person is still your co-worker and you need to think of him or her that way, says Joseph. If you see your ex in the hall, smile and continue on your way.
> Keep it private
If people know about the relationship, you will have to tell them about the split, particularly if it’s a small office. Just keep the details to a minimum.
Say that it didn’t work out, Joseph says, and avoid saying anything specific, especially immediately after the break-up.
Even if you have friends at work, it’s best to wait a few weeks before talking about it with them, she says.
> Get some exercise
Work off a little steam.
Depending on your preference, join a lunch-hour yoga, kick-boxing or other exercise class, Joseph suggests. Any type of physical activity is good for both your physical and mental wellbeing. You’ll work out some of your anger and come back to work feeling centred.
> If you can’t say something nice …
Save the rants for when you’re off the clock.
“You want [the break-up] to be buried and gone as soon as possible,” says Joseph. Bad-mouthing your ex just feeds your anger — and the gossip mill — which helps no one.
IE